The Pace of the Children

Today I went on a walk with Mara.  While Mara and I were out wandering, I was reminded of a phrase from Genesis that someone or something pointed out to me a few months ago.  When Jacob and Esau finally meet after Jacob has returned from living with Laban, Esau says in Genesis 33:12, "Let us be on our way; I'll accompany you."

Jacob politely declines this offer by reminding Esau of the needs of his flocks of animals and his children - the nursing cows and ewes with their young can't go at the pace of 400 men of battle, and neither can his children.  Jacob says, "Let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me, and at the pace of the children."

I used to walk quickly - it was sometimes a point of contention in my marriage when Gabe and I would decide to go for a walk, and Gabe would want to go for a leisurely stroll while I was anticipating an exercise walk (we learned we had to define what type of walk we were inviting the other person to go on with us).

A funny thing happened when our child became a toddler that likes to express her independence through walk on her own two feet, though: I don't often choose the pace of my walking.  Now my pace (typically) caters to my child.  Sometimes this is fast - as we know, toddlers can move quickly! - but more often, it is much, much, much slower than I would naturally prefer, with a lot of stops and starts.  Exercise walking? Not any more! We do the toddler stroll - her legs are about 1/3 my length, so we cover 1/3 the ground at about 1/3 the pace I would normally cover!

Today Mara went up and down the same flight of stairs about four times so she could hold the railing and jump off the last step.  While we were exploring a field, she stopped to squat down and pick daisies - multiple times.  She offered each one to me to hold, and I had dozens of them in my hand before we climbed the hill out of the field.  When we were walking past the playground, she wanted to stop and observe all the different equipment that was available and point at them and comment to me about them.  And going around a flowerbed with roses without delaying for 20 minutes - and likely picking the rose bushes bare - required some significant coaxing ("Come on, Mara - let's see if we can find a trampoline!").

I've learned I can respond to this new pace in life in one of two ways: 

I can be irritated and cajole, demand, shame, get frustrated, or just pick up and carry a toddler (sometimes kicking and screaming) at my preferred, rapid pace; or I can slow down and choose to enjoy the process.  

Today - with that phrase from Genesis rolling over in my mind and the sweet blessing of nothing pressing on my mental agenda for the afternoon - I admired the vibrant colors of the carpet of mini daisies, the white and yellow flowers against the backdrop of a field of green, while we walked.  I was amazed at the fact that my little girl is brave enough to jump (and get air!) off not just the bottom step of a flight of stairs, but the bottom two steps!  I looked into Mara's earnest little brown eyes as she handed me a handful of rose petals plucked from a wilting rose bush and saw the shine of pride and pleasure as I thanked her sincerely for her fragrant offering to me.  I noticed how tall she's getting, and yet how small she still is, how her hair is long enough to curl on her head and glow golden in the sunlight, how her little knees have dimples on them (she has sturdy legs - like her mother always has had!), and how cute her white shoes are strapped onto the wrong feet, because she got her shoes on herself.  

I enjoyed chatting with her, observing her interact with the world around her and learning about how she interprets it and what she finds interesting, and taking time to mentally catalogue and treasure this moments and images.

Because here's what I'm thinking: maybe if I proceed through life at the pace of my child, although the time still goes quickly and these moments feel so fleeting at the end of the day as I watch her sleep peacefully in her crib and as I look back at her rapid growth and development in my phone's photos, at least I won't reflect back on these days with her with regret that I was rushing.  I'll look back on these days, these weeks, these years knowing that I didn't do everything correctly, but I did try to be tender with my little girl, I didn't push her too fast, and I fulfilled (at least in part) my responsibility to take care of her.

As Jacob models, it's Biblical to adjust your pace in life to your child's pace in order to nurture them!  And as Mara says to me, "I go wis Mama. I want to be wis Mama," Lord, help me remember that it is truly a privilege to walk in step with this sweet blessing in my life - no matter how many stops and starts we make in on the journey, because that's a reflection of how you travel with me!

Mara - 15 months

I rarely pull out my "big" camera to take photos for everyday use (my iPhone is so much easier!), but I try to do a little mini session with Samara every 3 months so I have professional quality photos to look back on of her.

Gabe and I took her over to the base on a Sunday afternoon recently to get some pictures for her 15 month developmental stage documentation. Here are a few of my favorites:

New Zealand - A Kiwi Wedding

This past weekend, I (Dani) was able to photograph a wedding for one of our co-YWAM-ers from our base.  Rebecca helps coordinate the School of Primary Healthcare every year, and during the time she isn't helping coordinate the SPHC, she is a huge help in the admin department with developing systems and ensuring we are following New Zealand privacy policies.

She's been a sounding board for me in my new role in H.R., and I've appreciated having some great, thought-provoking conversations with her over the time that we've been here at the base together.

Rebecca married a lovely guy named Gareth.  They've been dating for about 2 years now, and although Gareth isn't a part of the Marine Reach volunteer squad, he's made an effort to come to base functions and get to know people on base a bit.  Gabe and I have both enjoyed over-dinner talks with Gareth when he's around, and we think they're a couple that really brings out the best in each other.

The wedding took place at a local wedding venue - Eagle Ridge Lodge - and it was a stunning setting for a sweet, sincere celebration. Bec and Gareth were both delightful to work with, and it was a privilege for me to get to photograph my first international wedding and have it be a blessing for them.

Here's some of my favorite photos from the day:

Q&A: The Second 5 Cards (John, Andy, anonymous, Kimberly, anonymous)

#1: How many kids do you want? - John D.
Great question! If they're all like Samara, we'll take a dozen :)


#2: What is the main source of food you enjoy from New Zealand? - Andy W.
Where we live in New Zealand is about Latitude 37 S.  That's comparable to Santa Cruz, California, and Sicily, Italy, in the northern hemisphere.  I think my favorite foods right now are the fruits - it is the middle of summer, so we have two plum trees in our backyard that have been producing a delicious and abundant harvest.  I also went blueberry picking last week, and we have nectarines that are just on point.  In August and September, we have citrus fruit at the base, in June and July, the kiwi fruit start to find their way to the table. Also, there's a fejoia tree on the base, and a passionfruit orchard near the base, and we have an avocado orchard as well at the base - so there are a lot of really good produce!

New Zealand is known for lamb and dairy - personally, I'm not a huge fan of either, but apparently we have really good quality of both of those!


#3: How did you know God called you to New Zealand? What should I look for to know God's call on my life? - anonymous

Oh, this is gonna get long!

For us, the journey to living in New Zealand has been a long process.  I'd say God has had us both on this road, and in hindsight, we see a lot of little indicators that got us here, but 10 years ago, I never would have said I'd like to be living in New Zealand at this point!  I'll outline a couple, but know that this is just a faction of the process:

1 - both Gabe and I wanted to be involved in missions for a long time.  I first realized, "I don't know if the USA is where I'll live my whole life" when I was in middle school.  As I got older, that conviction grew until I knew that I would feel like I'd compromised something if I just settled into a life long term in the USA.  That directed a lot of my decisions - what to study in school, who I would or wouldn't date, what I did with my spare money, etc.  For Gabe, I think the story was a little different, but it was during his first DTS that he knew he wanted to be completely surrendered to the Lord for his future.

2 - we met each other, and as our relationship grew, so did the idea of living overseas as missionaries - since now we had each other to pursue that dream with.

3 - we quit our jobs in the US, sold our stuff, and moved to Thailand as the first stage in a vision trip/discovery journey of what we wanted to pursue in missions.

4 - we were interested in doing something medical to try it on for size and see if that was a passion of ours, and since neither of us had extensive medical experience, we needed something that was entry-level friendly, AND we wanted to do a DTS, so we searched medical DTS and the New Zealand base where we are currently came up on google.

5 - we emailed the base, and they responded to our specific questions very quickly and thoroughly. The other three YWAM bases we emailed either didn't respond or it took them a very long time.  We appreciate efficiency, so that was an initial green light.

6 - once we were on our way to the DTS, we almost left and went home without completing the DTS.  We felt like the Lord had begun to give some direction for the long term, and we weren't sure doing a DTS was the best use of our time and savings.  Then, on the first day of DTS, our base director gave a message to the students where he shared he felt some of the students were living out of their own wisdom and pride, and it was time to submit and surrender to the Lord.  We were both very convicted by that, as we realized that although we wanted to do missions, we were trying to do it OUR way.  So we repented and stayed.

7 - After the week that focused on the subject of Hearing God's Voice (i.e.: "Tuning in to Radio Jesus" as we've since heard it called), we discussed how we wanted our marriage and our life to be something that we invited God to have an active part in directing and guiding.  We began doing something that we try to do even now, which we call a "Detail Day."  It's named because of one of the principles we learned during Hearing God's Voice week, which is that sometimes we ask God for direction, and he gives it to us, but we don't stick around long enough and/or ask him for the DETAILS of how to carry out those directions - we just rush ahead with the directions.  It's like having someone come up to you and say, "Can you bake a chocolate cake -" And you jump in and say, "Yes!  I'll get right on it!" and you run off, run to the store for ingredients, come home, start making it, and whip up the chocolate cake, take it to the person who asked and say, "Here's your chocolate cake!" and they say, "Thank you, but you left so soon, I didn't have time to tell you, I was wanting to know if you can bake a chocolate cake for my son's birthday party next month - I need it to be gluten free, egg free, and dairy free." Basically, we realized we didn't want to be rushing out on God when he was half way through a sentence.  We want to hear all the details he wants to give us about how to live our lives.  So once a week (or so), rather than doing a normal, individual quiet time, we sit down together and ask God to speak to us about the details of our lives."

8 - During the detail days, the Lord began to speak to us about the future - asking what we wanted, what would be our dream.  Neither of us felt like New Zealand long term had been on our radar, but both of us LOVE New Zealand - there's just something that feels so "home" like about it.  So we each, individually, began sharing with the Lord that we liked New Zealand, and we would love to stay longer, but we didn't want to stay if that wasn't what he wanted.

9 - Also during the detail days, and while we were talking, we began to realize that we want to be equipped to disciple people as we do missions, and we didn't honestly feel like we really knew how to do that.

10 - Our base director asked us if we'd consider coming back on staff for a year, starting in January.  We had already been processing how we wanted to go back to the USA for a season since it had been a long time, so as we prayed, neither of us felt like the very next school was right for us, but both of us felt like it was OK to consider coming back and to take the invitation as an opportunity from the Lord to gain more and give more to discipleship in New Zealand.  We also knew that the Lord had been challenging us to begin a family, and so we asked if the base would still be welcoming of us if we were to get pregnant.  Our base director gave an affirmative answer for that, so we felt like this could be a place for us even as our family grew.

11 - We were sort of just waiting for the Lord to speak more clearly and give us the details for if we were to come back, and then we had a day where there was a lot of prayer time, but not a lot of lectures.  I had my bible and my notebook, and I asked the Lord if he wanted to speak anything to me.  I felt like he directed me to a chapter in Deuteronomy, and I got the sense that it had to do with our future and the question of coming back to DTS.  As I read it, there was a lot of numbers, and I was at first skimming over them, but there didn't seem to be anything else in the chapter.  So I asked the Lord, "I don't get it, what does this mean?" and I felt like he said, "Go back and read it again."  So I did, and then I was just distracted by the numbers, and I was like, "Lord, I really don't get this." And he said, "What do you notice?" And I said, "Uh, the numbers." And he said, "So, pay attention to them."  The numbers were describing the perimeter of the tabernacle, and I started adding them up.  If each unit was one day, the total number of units described came to equal one year and five months. I felt like the Lord said, "Commit to coming back to staff for 3 schools - one year and five months - and during that time, I'll develop in you and Gabe and your marriage the ability to carry my presence like the tabernacle represented my presence." So that's what we did!

Then we had to jump through a bunch of hoops to get our 2 year work visa, and all of that came through, and we were able to work and build support while we were at home for those 6 months to fund our life for the 3 school, so we just kept walking through the doors as they seemed to open.

So, that's our story - but what to look for as far as knowing God's call on your life, that's a broad question - but I think a couple things come to mind:

1 - God might direct you totally differently than he directed us.  Each of us is unique, and I think his heart is for relationship, and just like I don't have the exact same relationship with any two people, neither, I think, does God have the exact same relationship with any of us.

2 - I think sometimes we can get caught up in trying to figure out a long-term "target" so to speak of what to aim toward to please God, but I think actually he's a lot more about the process of getting to a destination than we are.  Basically, I'm really not sure what God's "Call" on my life is - I know that he has given me a husband and a daughter, and that's one of the areas of investment he wants me to make.  I know he's given us the opportunity to live here in New Zealand and work with an organization that disciples young people - so I want to be ready to invest in this place and these people with the talents and giftings I have.  I know he's invited me in to relationship with him, and I'm trying to be more intentional and grow in how I can steward that relationship and invest him and do things to please him.  Beyond that, I have no idea what my life will look like in 20 years, or 10 years, or even 5 years.  But I know I want to be faithful today with the things he's put in front of me.

So 3 - I'd say maybe try to equalize the amount of time you spend thinking about and investing heart energy into figuring out what God's "Call" on your life is, and balance that with getting to know God and invest in a friendship with him.  And see if he doesn't start giving you specific details about the direction he wants your life to take.


#4: What is your most embarrassing moment while in New Zealand? - Kimberly M.

I tend to block out embarrassing moments from my memory, so I'm struggling to think of something off hand, but I can share about a funny moment:

When Mara was born, we were about to start staffing our second DTS.  I didn't really think anything of it, since the school started when she was 7 days old, I just began to take her to our morning staff meeting (the DTS staff met from 8-8:30 every morning) and everyone got used to having her around. For awhile, when she was about 2-3 months old, she would consistently poop (loudly) after her morning feeding.  I'd usually either nurse her just before we went to staff meeting, or - more often than not - I'd use the staff meeting time to get her breakfast into her.

One day, our DTS director was talking about the schedule for that week, and mentioned someone was coming in to do a guest speaking session one evening.  Well, Mara had just finished eating, burping, and just as he shared the guy's name, she squirmed and let out a massive rumble down in the engine room!  Our friend Adam was sitting next to me, and he blurted out, "Oh, wow!" And our DTS director was like, "Oh, do you know of him?"  And Adam responded, "No, I don't, but the baby just pushed out a major poo!"


#5: Do you like kiwi? - anonymous

Yes!  We LOVE kiwi fruit - especially the golden kiwis.  They aren't as common outside of New Zealand, but if you get a chance to have one, definitely do it.  They're sweeter and their skin isn't fuzzy.

Q&A: The First 5 Cards (anonymous, Jayme, Karen, Austin, and James)

While we were in the states over the holidays, we were able to share at our church (Renewal City Church in Longview, WA - we love it there!).  We set out 3x5 inch note cards and invited church members to write questions that they would like us to answer on the cards.  We decided we'd use this format to respond to the questions!

So, without further ado:

#1: How many times have you been to Mordor? - anonymous
We've driven past it several times, but so far we haven't stopped - do you blame us?! :)

In Lord of the Rings, the land of Mordor was filmed on the North Island of New Zealand at a place called Tongariro National Park.  It is in the middle of the North Island, it is a dry, rather barren area.  There isn't a lot of people in that part of New Zealand, so it was a terrific filming location for Mordor in the movies.  Mount Nauruhoe was the perfectly shaped volcanic cone that becomes Mount Doom in the movies.

Tongariro National Park is about a 4 or 5 hour drive from our home, I believe.  On our base's October DTS, the Pilgrimage Stream always do a hike in Tongariro National Park.

Source: https://www.visitruapehu.com/explore/tongariro-national-park/

#2: What is the worst or most dangerous bug/creepy crawly/animal you have to deal with on base or outreach? - Jayme R.
On base: the most dangerous thing in New Zealand is two types of spiders.  The White Tail spider is the spider we see frequently - apparently originally native to Australia.  This species of spiders likes to come in our dining room window and hang out.  They get to be about the size of a quarter in diameter (that is counting the legs), and they have a distinctive white pattern on their backs.    Rumor has it that their bites can cause cavernous, gross holes in your skin from the poison - but a quick search on google (which is, of course, super reliable ;)) indicates they aren't actually all that (if at all) poisonous to humans.  I still try to kill them and keep them away from my baby!

There is one venomous spider that is native to New Zealand I've never seen - it's called the katipo.  Only the female is poisonous.

On outreach, the worst creepy crawly we've had to deal with are centipedes - not your friendly, PNW 1-2 inch long centipedes, these are large, fast, aggressive red centipedes.  Commonly known as Vietnamese centipedes, I believe, they can live for up to 10 years, and we've seen them 6-10 inches long.  Waking up to having one crawl over you, or when they scuttle around in your shoe when you put your shoes on is not a pleasant experience.  And they are very hard to kill - we've found machetes seem to work best!

Source: http://animal-world.com/encyclo/reptiles/centipedes/VietnameseCentipede.php

#3: Do you have good personal friends there that you can meet with often to pray for you? Or do you feel it is one sided and feel alone? - Karen H.

Being a part of a YWAM community - at least here at Marine Reach - is kind of funny, because often you find yourself getting prayed for and praying for others BEFORE you actually build much of a friendship!  So my first thought in response to that question is, "We have more friends here who pray for us regularly than probably many of our fellow church members back in the states have!" Praying for each other is such an ingrained part of our culture that yes, I feel like I ALWAYS have people who will pray for me - if I ask, they will stop whatever they are doing, put their hands on me or their arms around me, and pray for me right on the spot for whatever my needs are.

So, yes to the prayer, and absolutely yes to having close friends here.  Being on a DTS staff team means that we are working shoulder to shoulder alongside one or two dozen people who all have a similar goal to what we have, are experiencing a similar life to what we're experiencing, and are in the same "faith boat" that we're in, too.  We still have to be intentional about building friendship, and there can develop a level of "comfortableness" that makes us feel like we know someone really well without actually taking time to get to know them (probably part of the spiritually intense day-to-day life), but we have been able to build friendships and some of the people we first met 2 1/2 years ago when we came as students are still living life with us every day - eating meals together, cleaning together, organizing together, worshipping alongside, praying with, and conversing with.  I think that our friendships and the very real element of community are two of our favorite parts of being in YWAM.

Our July 2018 DTS staff team. Source: Marine Reach Media Team

#4: Why did you not pass out pens and is it warm in New Zealand? - Austin P.
I don't know why we didn't pass out pens!  I'll see if we can do that next time - that would be far more useful than notecards!

And yes, right now it is delightfully warm.  Since the seasons are reversed, here in February we are experiencing the height of summer.  We have two plum trees in our backyard which are bursting with flavor! In the winter, it does get cold - usually not down all the way to freezing, but it will regularly be down to 10 degrees C (about 50 degrees F), and since New Zealand homes are not insulated that much, that is the temperature both inside and outside.  So it FEELS cold because you feel like you never warm up from about June through August - but then sometimes the sun breaks through and you find yourself sitting outside during lunch and you realize you are, momentarily, warm!

New Zealand lifestyle culture involves a lot more fluid movement between indoors and outdoors - so even in the dead of winter, unless it is down pouring rain, windows are left open, sliding doors are left open, people eat outside, etc.  We have a front porch area that is under cover, which is where we hang our laundry to dry (clothes dryers are rarely used here), and we spend a LOT of time out there, regardless of the outside temperature.

Our laundry drying in our outdoor space while Mara gets some sunshine!

#5: What does "Samara" mean? - James D.
It has three main meanings - all of them are related: "Protected by God," "Covered by God" and "Guardian." We loved the idea of instilling in her identity that God is with her and watching over her - but also giving her a name that speaks to empowering her to guard and protect others.

At the end of our pregnancy with her, there was some concern that she hadn't developed as she needed to and that her health could be compromised.  Just before finding out about that, we had finally decided that if we had a girl, her name would be Samara. Over those several weeks when we were waiting for pregnancy to end, hoping our baby would be OK, I just felt more and more confident that our baby was a girl (we opted to not find out at the ultrasounds), and that this would be a specific example in her life of God covering her and covering her situation and circumstance.  Sure enough, she was born perfectly formed, perfectly healthy, and our midwife later came back and said she thought there had been a mistake in the ultrasounds that indicated she was at risk.  I don't know if it was a mistake or a miraculous healing, but either way, we give God the credit for protecting and covering over that little girl.

Source: Gabe K.

Washington - Christmas with the Families

We have been able to be home for Christmas (plus some weeks afterward!), and it has been GREAT!

Here are some photos of our time with our people!

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Christmas Eve - after opening presents with the Kirkwood side

Our nephew, Noah, reading the Christmas story.

Mara got a lot of books for Christmas!  YAY!

Christmas with the Shulke side.

Mara with her Great-Grandma, Sonel.

A walker loan from Auntie Heather was a big hit with our wanna-be walker!

We went to Ferncrest tree farm a few days before Christmas and this reindeer was posing for my camera.

Gabe and his girl.

Mara having a little hand's on nature experience.

Mara and Mama.

On the move!

We've been so blessed to get to see many friends and family during these weeks home.  Here at the end of our time in the USA, we have to admit, we are pretty exhausted, but we feel like we set out what we intended to do, which was to spend some quality time with the people who love us and have sent us out so well.  Sadly, we didn't get to spend time with EVERYONE we wanted to - there always seems to be a limit to what we can fit in - but know that even if our time with you was short or just in passing, it meant a lot to us to see your face, hear your voice, and share a moment.