Jacob politely declines this offer by reminding Esau of the needs of his flocks of animals and his children - the nursing cows and ewes with their young can't go at the pace of 400 men of battle, and neither can his children. Jacob says, "Let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me, and at the pace of the children."
I used to walk quickly - it was sometimes a point of contention in my marriage when Gabe and I would decide to go for a walk, and Gabe would want to go for a leisurely stroll while I was anticipating an exercise walk (we learned we had to define what type of walk we were inviting the other person to go on with us).
A funny thing happened when our child became a toddler that likes to express her independence through walk on her own two feet, though: I don't often choose the pace of my walking. Now my pace (typically) caters to my child. Sometimes this is fast - as we know, toddlers can move quickly! - but more often, it is much, much, much slower than I would naturally prefer, with a lot of stops and starts. Exercise walking? Not any more! We do the toddler stroll - her legs are about 1/3 my length, so we cover 1/3 the ground at about 1/3 the pace I would normally cover!
Today Mara went up and down the same flight of stairs about four times so she could hold the railing and jump off the last step. While we were exploring a field, she stopped to squat down and pick daisies - multiple times. She offered each one to me to hold, and I had dozens of them in my hand before we climbed the hill out of the field. When we were walking past the playground, she wanted to stop and observe all the different equipment that was available and point at them and comment to me about them. And going around a flowerbed with roses without delaying for 20 minutes - and likely picking the rose bushes bare - required some significant coaxing ("Come on, Mara - let's see if we can find a trampoline!").
I've learned I can respond to this new pace in life in one of two ways:
I can be irritated and cajole, demand, shame, get frustrated, or just pick up and carry a toddler (sometimes kicking and screaming) at my preferred, rapid pace; or I can slow down and choose to enjoy the process.
Today - with that phrase from Genesis rolling over in my mind and the sweet blessing of nothing pressing on my mental agenda for the afternoon - I admired the vibrant colors of the carpet of mini daisies, the white and yellow flowers against the backdrop of a field of green, while we walked. I was amazed at the fact that my little girl is brave enough to jump (and get air!) off not just the bottom step of a flight of stairs, but the bottom two steps! I looked into Mara's earnest little brown eyes as she handed me a handful of rose petals plucked from a wilting rose bush and saw the shine of pride and pleasure as I thanked her sincerely for her fragrant offering to me. I noticed how tall she's getting, and yet how small she still is, how her hair is long enough to curl on her head and glow golden in the sunlight, how her little knees have dimples on them (she has sturdy legs - like her mother always has had!), and how cute her white shoes are strapped onto the wrong feet, because she got her shoes on herself.
I enjoyed chatting with her, observing her interact with the world around her and learning about how she interprets it and what she finds interesting, and taking time to mentally catalogue and treasure this moments and images.
Because here's what I'm thinking: maybe if I proceed through life at the pace of my child, although the time still goes quickly and these moments feel so fleeting at the end of the day as I watch her sleep peacefully in her crib and as I look back at her rapid growth and development in my phone's photos, at least I won't reflect back on these days with her with regret that I was rushing. I'll look back on these days, these weeks, these years knowing that I didn't do everything correctly, but I did try to be tender with my little girl, I didn't push her too fast, and I fulfilled (at least in part) my responsibility to take care of her.
As Jacob models, it's Biblical to adjust your pace in life to your child's pace in order to nurture them! And as Mara says to me, "I go wis Mama. I want to be wis Mama," Lord, help me remember that it is truly a privilege to walk in step with this sweet blessing in my life - no matter how many stops and starts we make in on the journey, because that's a reflection of how you travel with me!
