New Zealand - Reaching

It's funny how there are some things that take on a new meaning after becoming a parent.  I don't subscribe to the idea that people who aren't parents do not have these same revelations, but I certainly have gained some interesting insight into spiritual things in this process of parenting.

A recent revelation I had was about my posture during worship.

I haven't always been comfortable being expressive in worship - I worry about if people are watching, if I'm doing something "right" or "wrong," if I've pitted out my shirt, if my face looks weird if I close my eyes, what to DO with my hands, etc.  For some people, worshiping expressively seems to be so natural, but for me, I don't feel natural!

So for a lot of my life, either from church culture background or those fear-of-man/insecurity thoughts, or just passivity, I have worshipped with my hands in my pockets or clasped in front of me.

But I had this thought the other day when I bent over to pick up Mara.  She was sitting on the floor, and as I leaned down to pick her up, her little arms came up and her hands started clasping and unclasping like she was trying to grab me.  She reached for me as I was reaching for her - and it wasn't just a floppy arms in the air kind of reach, it was with eagerness and yearning.

Something about her gesture - and realizing how often that happens - caused me to have this moment of recognizing a parallel between my daughter's response to me and my response to the Lord.

Mara reaches for me when she sees me.  Sometimes she reaches out to me to fulfill a need, but she also reaches for me simply because she wants me.

In fact, throughout her day, my daughter repeatedly reaches out to me.  And her desire or need for me is not a passive, self-conscious, afraid-of-what-people-will-think-of-her expression toward me.  She is open and public about her desire for my touch.

And I realized that I want to respond to God like Mara responds to me.  When I worship,  I don't want God to have any doubts about whether he is desired.  I want my body, which he has made and given for me to use, to express to him - in as clear of a manner as I can express - that I want him, I need him.

I am reaching for him.